“Help!! My baby will only sleep on me!”
“My baby won’t go in her moses basket!”
“My baby wants to be held constantly!”
“What am I doing wrong?!”
This is normal infant behaviour.
Your baby isn’t broken.
You aren’t doing anything wrong.
The fourth trimester
The 12 weeks following the birth of a baby are known as the 4th trimester.
Let’s look at things from baby’s perspective…
You’re all warm and cosy swimming around in your amniotic fluid, you are sitting snugly in mum’s tum, she’s moving a round lots which creates a nice rocking motion, you can hear her heartbeat and muffled sounds of familiar voices outside the womb, it’s dark, there are no strange smells, sounds or bright lights…
Then you’re born and BOOM! Bright lights, strange sounds, smells and now you’re expected to sleep alone in a crib or moses basket!!
It is completely normal for newborn babies to want to be held constantly and to not want to sleep anywhere other than on, or very close to their parents. Humans are mammals after all!
It can feel relentless and exhausting needing to constantly hold your baby day and night, especially when you yourself are still recovering from birth. So, here are a few ways you can make the 4th trimester just that little bit easier:
Get a good sling
Babies love being close to you so get yourself a good quality sling and enjoy having your hands free while baby enjoys being close to you. Baby wearing is a great way for dad to bond with baby too. Remember the TICKS rule for safe baby wearing. Sling libraries are available for you to go along to and get help and advice on the best sling for you and you can hire one or try them out before you decide which one to buy.
Bed share
Most parents share a bed with their baby at some point. It’s far safer to plan to do it whilst following the safe sleep guidelines (check out this advice from our friends at The Lullaby Trust for safe bed sharing guidelines) than to do it accidentally because you were so exhausted that you fell asleep with baby in your bed having not planned to do so.
Try Swaddling
Some babies love being swaddled. They were all snug and tucked up inside the womb then suddenly there’s all this space around them! Swaddling little ones can help calm them. It’s best to try swaddling as early as possible with your little one. Check out our previous post on swaddling or visit The Lullaby Trust info on safe swaddling.
Get Moving
You may find that baby will want to sleep when they’re on the move. This might mean rocking them to sleep (which is absolutely fine to do – you are NOT creating a ‘rod for your own back’. They will not need to be rocked forever!). Or it might mean popping them in the pram and taking them for a walk to get them off to sleep.
Remember
What works for one baby won’t necessarily work for another.
Babies aren’t robots and sadly don’t come with a manual.
This too shall pass
Look after yourself during this time. And remember that this is just a phase and it will pass.
Many cultures all over the world have special postnatal customs some including a 30 (or longer) period of isolation, rest, and assistance for brand new mothers. Few of us could take this kind of rest after childbirth or have that kind of support available so it’s important to rest when you can. Forget the dishes, the washing and cleaning for now and just focus on you and your baby.
The first weeks of parenthood are tough. You are your baby’s sole source of food and comfort. Hang in there. It will get easier. Your baby won’t always need you like they need you now. Get as much rest as you can, enjoy those wonderful baby cuddles and don’t be afraid to ask for help.
If you are struggling with your mental health, help is available. If you, or anyone you know, is suffering with perinatal mental illness you are not alone. More than 1 in 10 new mothers suffer from postnatal depression and it can affect new dads too. Please seek help as soon as possible. The Pandas Foundation can offer help, support and guidance.
Please share this article with a brand new mum or a mum-to-be.